He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
