There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
