Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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