hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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