My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
