Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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