He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
