just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
