Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
