Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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