I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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