I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
