so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
