if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
