He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want nice things and good sex
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
