it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
MIDGETS
????
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
