I skipped work to stalk him.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
