actually, I'm a sock model
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
