there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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