sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
