They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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