Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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