Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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