genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
