I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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