tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
