im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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