You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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