): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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