That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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