I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
