she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
