i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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