i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
