Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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