somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
