It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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