Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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