Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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