he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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