she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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