i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
