Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
