I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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