I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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