Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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