SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
