I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.