I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went