Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
