Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just had sex bonerless
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight