gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.