could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny