This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
