i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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