Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
