you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We have started to decorate penises.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
