but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
