i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum