Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
