Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break