You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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