I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
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I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.