Having a random hookup so left but love u
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
