He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup