I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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