Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
