accomplished twins. life is a go
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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