he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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