it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
