we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
