The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
