she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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