I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
