Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
