We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
