I just cut my nipple shaving
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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