can u get pink eye on your cock?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
