Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
