Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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