He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
