If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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