Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
