I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
