On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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