Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
