Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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