Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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