Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
