I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
