you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
