there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
