Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
