Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
