Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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